So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
