drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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