we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize