During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
