dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
