I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
