I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
