why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
