just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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