Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
