At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
