just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
