WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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