we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
