you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
