is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
