apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Every concussion has its silver lining
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
