3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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