my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
