it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
