I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize