Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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