DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
