I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
