still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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