he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I party with great urgency now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
