you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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