having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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