I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
