Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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