i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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