so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
