I hate your face
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
