its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
