Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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