Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
