Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
