i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
