i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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