i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I love you.
Bad choice
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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