the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
