sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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