Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize