p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Houston, we have a blender
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize