New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
