My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
