saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
