Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
