He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
