My liver just broke up with me...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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