the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize