She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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