if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
