So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Barsexuality is the new black.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
