I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
