So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
