yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize