Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
