Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
