thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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