just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
