I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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