scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
True strength comes from lack of pants
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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