i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
