I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
