when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize