Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
