So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
