if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize