i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
