sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
