I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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