she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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