This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
