You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
