it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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