i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
