I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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