dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
